Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Punch’s Cousin, Chapter 475

Ulrika Rittenhouse smirked.  Despite the fact that she was still damp and chilled to the bone, she was taking considerable delight in Iolanthe’s frustration.  The more incensed Iolanthe Evangeline became, the warmer and more cheerful Ulrika began to feel.  Her increasingly good mood served, also, to cheer Giovanni who watched as the two women continued to spar.

“I see,” Ulrika smiled, “that your entire enterprise was for naught.” 

“Not entirely.”  Iolanthe spat as she moved closer to the burning ship.  Ulrika and Giovanni followed her across the pier.

“Really?”  Ulrika chuckled.  “Look over there.”  She cackled as Iolanthe turned around.  “Let’s take attendance, shall we?” 

Iolanthe’s cheeks—beneath several layers of waxy makeup—began to flush.

“Hmmm…”  Ulrika said, contorting her face into an exaggerated countenance of thoughtfulness.  “There’s Mr. Halifax, his wife, and their child.  Next to them is the bearded valet and, oh…  Look, Giovanni!  There’s your brother, Charles.  He’s safe, too.  Isn’t that nice?  And, who else?  I see one of their maids.  And, oh, yes…there’s the woman they call Marjani and her little granddaughter.  Marjani appears to be holding the Duke’s nephew.  Well, even the dog made it out alive.”

Iolanthe snorted.  “What you fail to mention is that Dr. Halifax and the Duke are conspicuous in their absence.  And, of course, Barbara Allen has yet to emerge from the ship.  You should thank me for that.”

“Really?”

“Yes.  Don’t you still have a document which grants you her fortune should she die?”

“I do.”  Ulrika nodded.

“So, once again, you’re in my debt.”  Iolanthe responded triumphantly.

“Except for the fact that you tried to kill me in this blaze, too.  Pity you didn’t know that Giovanni and I had already been tossed overboard.  You might have been successful.”

“Oh, Ulrika,”  Iolanthe sighed.  “You weren’t the one I was really after.  You know that.  Remember, it wasn’t just a day ago that we’d made our peace with one another.”

“That was before you tried to burn me alive.”  Ulrika frowned.

“Many things change in a day.”  Iolanthe grinned.  “Think, yesterday Marie Laveau was carrying a child that she swore would help her take over all of New Orleans.”

“And, now?”

“Now, she has lost that child, and…”  Iolanthe’s eyes widened with delight.  “Possibly her life.  Yes, Ulrika, you forgot one more person.  Marie Laveau is still on that ship.  So, quite possibly I’ve triumphed over the Duke, his sister, his companion and Marie Laveau!”

“Don’t count your chickens, Iolanthe,”  Ulrika pointed to the ship.  “Perhaps my eyes deceive me, but isn’t that the Doctor scurrying along the deck with that large African man?”

Iolanthe squinted at the ship.  “Damn!”

“And, just over there…”  Ulrika pointed again.  “Isn’t that your cohort, Big Ollie, disembarking?”

“What of it?” Iolanthe snarled. 

“Nothing, really.”  Ulrika laughed.  “Except that he’s carrying a woman.  She looks rather familiar, doesn’t she?”

Iolanthe gasped when she realized that Ollie carried in his arms the wriggling body of Barbara Allen.  Clenching her hands into balled fists, she pounded  her wounded, gloved hands against her own thighs and screamed.  “Damn that Allen woman!  She’s been nothing but trouble to me!”
Iolanthe continued to hiss angrily at Ulrika.  “You should be just as upset.  There goes your fortune!”

“My dear Iolanthe, unlike you, I already have access to a fortune.  I’m just greedy.  But, if I never see another coin come to me in my lifetime, I’ll die in excess.  You, on the other hand, must constantly be in search of your next source of wealth.  It’s such a shame, too.  You’re already so busy.  Think of it.  You’re already engaged in the sale of women and children.  What more can you do?  Still, you’ll have to think of some other source of income.”

“Why is that?”  Iolanthe demanded.

“After the whole debacle with Edward Cage, I don’t think any more childless couples will be coming to you for your assistance in helping them bring a child into their homes.  Word spreads quickly amongst families like mine and Mr. Cage’s.  You promised the man another son and, yet, where is the boy?  In the arms of an African woman, adopted by a lunatic aristocrat.  You can’t afford a mistake like that—not in your so-called profession.  I suppose you’ll just have to hope that the girls in your stable continue to hold up.  They’ll be your only source of income.”

Iolanthe began to speak, but could not think of anything to say to Ulrika.  Her whole body shook with rage.

“And, as for the Duke and Marie,”  Ulrika continued. “I think that little glimpse of the doctor just now proves that the Duke will come off of that ship without a scratch.  Don’t you?  And, Marie always finds a way out of things.  I suggest you just go home and get some rest.  You’re not a young woman anymore, dear Iolanthe.  You don’t want to catch a chill out here.”

Before Iolanthe could respond, she was approached by Big Ollie who still carried a protesting Barbara Allen.

“Let me go!”  Barbara screamed.

Ollie dropped her to the wooden planks of the pier.

“You fool!”  Iolanthe screamed, raising her arm to slap him.

Ollie grabbed Iolanthe’s arm—his giant loaf of a hand covering her entire forearm.  “Don’t do it, Ogress.”

“I gave you a simple task!”  Iolanthe screeched.

“I done what you asked me.”  Ollie shrugged.

Ulrika stared at Ollie with great interest.  “What a hideous creature you are, really.  It’s quite fascinating.”

Ollie smiled at her.  “You should see the rest of me.”

“I think I should like to.”  Ulrika winked.  “You smell quite terrible.  You’re just vile.  I love it!”

“Always liked ginger girls,”  Ollie smiled.

Giovanni cleared his throat as Iolanthe began to rant again.  “I did not ask you to carry this woman to safety.”  She pointed to Barbara who righted herself again and stood up stiffly.

“I didn’t ask to be rescued.”  Barbara snarled.

“This one wanted to burn to death.”  Ollie pointed to Barbara.

“You should have let her!”  Iolanthe squawked.  “That was the point!”

“Couldn’t do it.”  Ollie shook his head.

“Why not?”  Iolanthe bellowed.

“Once Ollie lies with a woman, he don’t want to see her killed.”  Ollie answered plainly.

“You…”  Ulrika’s eyes widened.  She looked at Barbara.  “Was it as hideous as I think?”

“Yes,”  Barbara grunted.

“Oh, how delicious!”  Ulrika squealed.

Giovanni clucked his tongue.

Barbara sighed.  “It seems we’re all failures.”

“Ollie ain’t.”  Ollie protested.

All of us except Big Ollie, then.”  Barbara snapped.

“Barbara, Iolanthe hasn’t given up hope yet.  She’s hoping your brother perishes.”

“That’s the last thing I want!”  Barbara shouted.

“Why?”  Iolanthe squinted.  “You hate him!”

“Well, yes.”  Barbara said.  “But, he’s…he’s going to raise my son!  I thank God that my brother and his companions had the strength and determination to get Colin away from Edward Cage.”

“I was just reminding Iolanthe of that little failure.”  Ulrika said gaily.

“What’s your…I mean…”  Barbara growled.  “Honestly, I don’t understand you people.  You all loathe one another and yet you all stand about talking as if you’re bosom friends.”

“Barbara,”  Ulrika smiled.  “New Orleans is a small town.  Marionneaux is even smaller.  It’s not like London.  We know who we know and we’re aware that we’re all stuck with one another until we die.  So, we do need to keep some civility about us, don’t we?  I thought you’d understand that.  Your class of people—in Britain—don’t you all just do the same thing?”

“I suppose we do.”  Barbara said.  “And, that’s just one of the many reasons that I left.”

“You left, I thought, because you found yourself with child and being seduced by your father’s valet.”  Ulrika teased.  “I completely understand why.  Pity the fever got him, really.”

Giovanni cleared his throat again.

“Not to worry, dear, I still prefer you.”  Ulrika patted his arm.

Ollie grinned.  “Say, you are a slut, then.”

“Yes.”  Ulrika nodded proudly.

Barbara groaned in frustration.  She took Iolanthe by the hands.  “Iolanthe, take me back.”

“What?”

“Take me back.  I’ll work for you.  Just…just…take me to your house and lock me in there.  I’ll do whatever you want just as long as I never have to leave that house again.”

“Is that so?”

“I…I can’t…I can’t…cope with this any longer.  I just…”  Barbara began to babble.

“Mala!”  Iolanthe shouted. 

Mala came tottering out from behind the pilings where she’d been napping throughout all of the chaos.  “Yes, Miss.”

“Take Miss Allen back home.”

“Whose home?”

“Our home!”  Iolanthe snapped.

“Yes, Miss.”  With that, Mala took Barbara by the hand and led her back to Iolanthe bawdy house.

“I win again,”  Iolanthe smirked at Ulrika.

“We’ll see.”  Ulrika laughed.  “You’re still counting your chickens.”




Did you miss Chapters 1-474?  If so, you can read them here.  

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